How to make a terrorist organization

“Dictators’ guide to global bloodshed”


Are you a dictator who wants to excel in dictatorship? Do you feel ashamed every time you hang out with other dictators who have fancy terrorist groups, and can inflict misery around the world, while you only have your army and can only torture your own people? Do you find that being held responsible for any destruction you want to make in the world is holding you down, and limiting your evil ambitions? If so, then don’t worry, you came to the right place. This manual will help you achieve your full sick potential at almost no cost whatsoever.

Soon you will find that it is actually easy to install your terrorism group and use it to your advantage. And as soon as you start using it, you will find yourself asking “how was I living without it before?!”

In this manual, we will use few examples from today’s world, to show you how some fine dictators such as the Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad, or even an elected tyrant such as Vladimir Putin, are taking advantage of all that a home-made organization like ISIL can provide.

The code words

The first thing you need to know before you get started is that you can’t just go ahead and create any terrorist organization. Because according to the International Terrorism Standards Organization (ISTO), an organization cannot be considered terrorist, unless it’s members were Sunni Muslims, no matter how much destruction it causes.

So don’t go away, and squander your efforts into killings and massacres that don’t really count. All that matters is that you create an “Islamic” terrorist group. Everyone in the world who went through the many years of extensive brainwashing by mainstream media, enforcing the idea that Islam itself is a violent ideology, will feel great, because people, in general, feel happy when reality confirms their held beliefs. No one will ever question anything you tell them, as long as you mention the code words “Islam” and “terrorism”. Voila.

The Benefits

Before we dive into the recipe, let’s take a look first at some of the advantages you gain from setting up your own terrorist organization:

  • You get to start the “war on terrorism” when and where and how you want.
  • You get to decide which countries they attack, giving you an army that you can use without any consequences.
  • You get a guarantee that you will not be attacked by them (unless you want to).
  • You get an excuse to invade, or otherwise militarily attack, any country in the world you want under the pretence of fighting terrorism (that you sent there!).
  • You get to appear as a defender of civilization in front of your people, and you reinforce the idea that Islam is inherently bad, and that your values (and therefore, you) are superior. This gives your nation the feeling of unity behind you against the common barbaric “enemy”, and reduces friction between different fractions of your nations.
  • You get to justify any measures you make at home or abroad by war on terrorism, including, but not limited to: shrinking public freedoms, increasing surveillance, imprisonment, torture, killing, and better control over people in general. You basically will have a fear button that you can press anytime you want to achieve any means you want.
  • You get to justify the actions of all of your fellow dictators.
  • Just like you had total control over where this all begins, you can always decide when and how and where to end it. It’s like playing chess against yourself – you decide which part wins. And we both know it will always be you.
  • Destroying the terrorist group will make you come out victorious, and will give you a better prestige at home and abroad. You can dismiss them at any time, by creating any fictional story, like saying for example that your special forces flew into their compound, killed them, but didn’t leave their bodies in place, but rather took them, but didn’t bring them back home, but rather threw them in the sea!

If you are a failed dictator, such as Assad, who cannot get a grip over his country, you also get a few extra perks:

  • You get to indirectly control the areas that you are no longer capable of directly controlling with your conventional army.
  • You get to punish people living in liberated areas for daring to break away from your rule. You also get to kill them free of charge.
  • You get to say to people in those areas “see, wouldn’t it have been better if you let me rule you forever?” and some people might actually believe you.
  • You get to justify all the horrible things you do to your people under the pretence of “war on terrorism”.
  • You divert world’s attention away from your crimes, and on the crimes of your home-made terrorist group.
  • You get to tell the world that allowing you to continue running the country is the only way to prevent terrorists from taking over.
  • You get to invite anyone to help you kill your people under the pretence of fighting terrorism.
  • You get to use those terrorists to target the armed opposition where and when you want.
  • You get these people to run your oil fields for you, and sell oil to you cheaper than it would cost you to extract it yourself.
  • You get to punish the countries that support your opposition, without being held responsible for it, and without having to militarily engage with them. While at the same time, accusing them of supporting these terrorists. Win/win!
  • You get your terrorists to destroy any remains of prisons or torture centers that are located in areas you can no longer access with your regular army.

With all of these goodies, the real question for any dictator out there is, why wouldn’t you want to have your own terrorist group!

The recipe

The recipe to make a terrorist group is really simple, and you will be surprised at how easy it is to set it up, and exploit it to your advantage in no time. Using the already prevalent worldwide phenomena of Islamophobia can make your life as a blood thirsty coward so much easier, and much more enjoyable.

Let’s begin with the ingredients. First, you will need to find a Muslim country that has been wrecked with violence for at least few years. The country should be a total mess, with no rule of law, practically no government, no police, no schools, no hospitals, and no infrastructure whatsoever. We are talking here about something like Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, or Somalia. Chaos is the perfect environment to grow terrorism. This will make it easier to exploit the misery of people living in these conditions, and allows your terrorist plant to grow without any disturbance.

In this environment, you need to look for criminal groups that have already been estabslished, or people who are next to mentally disturbed, due to long years of conflict, due to loss of all family members, due to their unfathomable grief over the misery they live every day in their lives. People like this are vulnerable, and they would put their hopes in anything and believe any promise they are given.

Second, you need to send few agents with loads of money, to start harvesting these dead souls, recruiting them, and giving them food, clothes, houses, and weapons. Alongside all of this, you need to give them a twisted idea of the world, and that everyone wants to kill them, unless they take control of the whole world. They need to believe that their only way to be safe is to subjugate all of humanity. You need them to believe that the only reason they have been subjected to oppression is because they are Muslims, which is not a very hard idea to sell in the modern world.

After a while, when you have some people to work with, you send them to a village or a small town to take it over, so that they can feel the power of reigning over other human beings, and begin to believe the promise that you gave them. You tell them to show no mercy, to which they will be ready, because some of them never saw mercy their entire lives.

Now, after your group takes a small town, you go down to the basement of your palace, and take your laptop with you. You write a statement declaring the establishment of this “Islamic group”, and that it will fight to bring fairness and “true Islam” to the whole world.

At this stage you are almost ready, you have a worldwide recognized terrorist organization, which gives you the ability to set up explosions anywhere in the world, and then go to the basement of your palace again, and issue a statement, with the same header as the previous one, in which you tell the world that your terrorist organization is responsible for that act of terror. Media will be ecstatic.

Of course your money and arms supply should continue, and your terrorists should quickly recruit new people in the areas they control, exploiting people’s desperate need for money, their fears, their desire for revenge, or even their ignorance in Islam or ignorance in general.

With time, you will notice that the very fact that your terrorists are occupying a territory, and are the de facto government there, people will start joining it, either because they have no other way to be, or because they simply believe that this is a legitimate Islamic movement, or because they are forced to do so.

Now your agents can go back, and the enthusiastic ignorant young recruits will be in front, dealing with the public, which gives more credibility to your organization. This in turn, increases public acceptance of it among desperate people living in total destruction.

This first stage is already good, it reduces the price of attacking any country in the world to an email that you send claiming responsibility under the name of your terrorists. And trust me, no one will accuse you of creating the whole thing, or of making the terror act yourself. Even if they know that!

The Expansion

However, if you want to take your game to the next level, you need few more things. And in this case, we can learn from the Iraqi example.

Since the invasion of Iraq in 2003, and the subsequent handing over of all powers in that country to the Iran supported Shia militias, Sunnis were being marginalized, oppressed, and prosecuted. They started to stage protest and sit-ins in their major cities, demanding their rights to no avail. After ignoring their demands for months, the government of Maliki in Baghdad sent in the troops to wipe the protesters away with brutal force (just like what happened in Egypt). Many people were killed, tortured, injured. Others simply disappeared, while the leaders of those peaceful protests were chased, and picked up by Special Forces from their houses.

Of course all of this happened under the pretence of “war on terrorism” so everyone in the world was cheerful.

When the campaign against them continued, and Sunnis of Iraq realized that a peaceful protest is not going to give them anything but more oppression and death, they took to the streets with their weapons, and decided to protect themselves with their hands.

Now the government is in a puzzle, they want to go and kill every last Sunni in Iraq, but they can’t just storm into cities and brutalize everyone over sit-ins. They needed a better excuse.

This is where they took the game to the next stage. They surrendered to ISIL all the weapons that were in the position of the Iraqi army in Sunni areas. No fraction but ISIL got those new American made weapons, and no Iraq officer took any piece of weapons with them when the retreated back towards Baghdad.

ISIL got a gold mine. It now has access to the latest generations of military equipments of one of the strongest armies in the Middle East.

This is when they were able to take firm control over big areas in Iraq and Syria. They were able to remove all armed opposition in eastern Syria and western Iraq, as their weapons were far more superior to any other group. This allowed them to expand rapidly. It also gave the Iraqi government a green light to butcher Sunnis in Iraq as much as they want.

As far as the world is concerned, this was all an ISIL territory, everyone is a legitimate target. They can now finally do whatever they want, and clear up Iraq from any Sunni force once and forever. Anyone who would’ve opposed their crackdown on Sunnis before is now eager to show support to them, and send them military technology, fighter jets, and even military personnel.

After this stage, comes the big prize, you can take the game to a whole new level and declare a Caliphate. For that, you also don’t need many things. Just a video camera, a dude to claim to be the Caliph, appearing in one video, and then going back to his cave, and issuing a voice recording every few months. You need a few twitter accounts, through which you can use your own intelligence personnel to recruit deluded wackos around the world, and few guys to make videos of group’s “victories” for local consumption, and of “brutalities” for international consumption.

It’s not like it was never done before.


The Harvest

Now the plant of terrorism have grown and blossomed. It now has a life of its own. Wackos from all around the world will want to join it. Your agent on top of the organization and in the highest ranks inside it can direct the operations of your organization, and they can target any country you want to target. The people in the lower ranks can have their own twisted understanding of what Islam is, and they can feel happy implementing it, and feeling they belong to something great. The people living under the control of your organization can now be killed by you with no consequences. And you can always send your own explosives team to plant a bomb anywhere in the world, and then issue a statement telling the world it was terrorists.

Even if a sushi chief in Japan kills his wife and then commits suicide, you can issue a statement saying he was a sympathizer with the organization. It’s basically like anonymous, you can hack anyone and then go to the basement, put a funny mask on, and then record a video claiming it was anonymous, not you.

Now you can intervene anywhere, to fight terrorism. You can also, if you are as twisted as Putin, use this group to punish countries that have different stance than you in important issues, until they change their mind. Or to take revenge at America for supporting Afghani fighters in their war against your beloved soviet union. Or to prove that you are as twisted as Bush, whose country originally made Al-Qaeda, and who used (the unknown at the time) drone technology to fly planes into buildings in New York, in order to justify invading two Muslim countries.

The possibilities are endless, and the sky is the limit if you have no human decency whatsoever, and have a little bit of imagination.

This is just an overview of the process from the smallest scale to the biggest one, and you can add your own touches here and there. The only important thing is that everyone in the world should continue to believe that it is Islam that is the main problem, and not any political, strategic, or economic reasons behind all of this.

As you can see, there is no scenario in which you can lose in this game, because even the countries, whose intelligence agencies discover your plots, will not go public with it. Instead they will think “Oh, wait a minute, I should also be allowed to do that”, and then they will also start their own terrorist business. It’s a game everyone can play, as long as the world is comfortable believing that Islam is the problem, this joke will not get old.

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